All Desires Lead To Home
Scorpio: Depth Season, Merging With The Discomfort Of Power & The Delight Of Powerlessness
At the beginning of the season, Ace (alicesparklycat) wrote that “Scorpio describes power explicitly to transfer discomfort from those oppressed to those in power” and it resonated with something deeper within me and mirrored my inner cosmology. Prior to the season, I made a “promise” to spend some time away from Instagram to focus on my inner-work, while simultaneously my higher-self was nudging me to continue promoting my “Year 2021 Tarot Reflection” offering on social media as I only reserved a few sacred spots for it. I was feeling conflicted with the multiple guidance and direction I was receiving that I had to sit with myself with the discomfort of not choosing. It somehow reminded me of a 4 of Cups moment, where I was being invited to assess the objectivity of it all. 4 of Cups are moments where we are deeply intoxicated with the desires which are either accessible, easy or coveted, while simultaneously having an internal conflict whether we could make space for more or other desires, which could be perceived as less accessible, harder or less coveted by the ego. It was a tug-of-war between and within me. The 4 of Cups asked: WHAT DO WE REALLY WANT SHAHIR? Thus, the Knight of Swords swiftly came to the rescue and answered: WE WANT TO LIVE & HONOR OUR TRUTH INTERNALLY & EXTERNALLY. The clarity that came into my mind was that focusing on my inner work does not mean I have to restrict myself from desires to connect with the world, as that particular connection has been an essential part of how I embrace the fullness of my soul. It is perfectly human, nonetheless, to do or to think as my previous-self did… “oh I wanna work on this [insert area of life], I better reduce [insert area of life]” as we are faced with the constraint of time and of energy, logically! And especially so, if those desires we want to reduce have been framed, through segments of society, with negativity (instagram superficiality!) and non-productivity (time-wasting!). Being in that framing with our soul, however, could lead to having a perpetual scarcity and trade-off mindset with the world around us, which could be a self-imposed belief system, inherited from our personal hxstory and societal conditionings. It was a very 8 of Swords enlightenment, a card I pulled later at the end of Scorpio season. The discomfort I was facing was stemming from the more powerful parts of my desires, and with power comes greater responsibility to ensure all the archetypes within me are able to thrive in equilibrium and don’t harm each other. They don’t have to be best friends, all I asked for are mutual respect for each other. The Scorpio archetypes deeply know the need to be real about situations and relationships, if there is no depth, there is no need.
Thus, in Scorpio season, while I was still active on social media, I was more discerning of my boundaries - I ignored texts from certain friends, I said “No.” to things which didn’t fuel my fire, I declined certain invitations with a lesser sense of guilt. I didn’t want to just focus on myself, I want to deeply immersed in that focus, I want to know why I wanted to focus on myself, I wanted to know what it means for me at this moment in time. I did perform a lot more intentional inner-work practices during the month although the astrological transit was brutal with Mercury and Mars stationing direct:
1) For the first time in my life, I set up an ancestral altar a few days prior to Samhain and the super potent Full Moon in Taurus. I meditated that night with Moon & Soul circle. It was magical! That was the first time I felt my grandma’s spirit holding my hands, as she usually is just around. There was a lot of purging…
2) I made a fun video of my Venus Self-Love Ritual, and it is especially potent for Friday!
3) I went through a spiritual alchemy process and study circle with Kathleen. I learned so much about the process and of Scorpio as an archetype. A lot of things came up but to honor the Scorpio energy, I shall keep those sacred revelations to myself. *wink*
4) I had a deeply transformative reflection and meditation experience with Dhiyanah, through her soul cartographer’s monthly offering. The visuals I was receiving from the meditation was phenomenal as I felt like I was engaging in shadow-integration, inner-child integration in healthier ways. I channeled a love letter for myself, which later initiated itself into a self-love dance, to Lorde’ “A World Alone”:
To the love in my heart, you are free! In your embrace of freedom in the mundane every day, you are embracing divinity. You are always loved and supported no matter where you are physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Help will always be there with you, just like how your invisible wings have been there all along - they aren't broken nor cut nor damaged. You are capable of flying everywhere with your love, and there is nothing wrong with choosing to walk, to crawl, and to lie down even with having colorful wings behind your back. The purpose of your beautiful wings are more than just for flying <3 they are made for Earth.
5) I graduated from Sabrina’s Evolutionary Astrology Intensive, which made me understood my Pluto in the 12th House placements on a such deep level! I signed up to share a part of my life story during the last class, for my classmates to delineate. It was such a beautiful container and I teared up. I am glad that I decided to wake up at 2.30 AM for that last class! This course did not only made me believe “modern” astrological approach, it made me more confident to defend it. I bow to the abundance of the Universe for giving me the chance to enroll in her course with a full scholarship, I will never forget that. I wrote a testimonial for Sabrina to honor that blessing:
Oh and lastly, I am officially identifying myself as a queer witch-zard, embracing astrological magick and crystal healing as part of my spiritual practice. I feel at home with those archetypes for now, and may they continue to flourish in their own unique ways to bring me closer to the Divine, towards the Oneness of the heart.
With Radical Rebirth, Still, I Rise
Shahir
20201128 @ 1600