Dear Loves,
I wrote a poem below during the New Moon in Pieces almost a month ago and shared my recital of it on Instagram. One thing I am forever proud of during the month was the process of connecting with my ancestors more deeply, both the collective ancestors and individual ancestors. I have even dedicated Saturdays to honor them weekly at my small altar set-up inside my top drawer. Initially, I felt that the heart-guided ancestral veneration ritual seems like a fairly new practice until I realized that my family has been doing it all along through our family recitals of Surah Yasin for the passed loved ones every now and then. I am still learning to curate my personal relationship with the Divine that feels most true for me.
This life is a gift from my ancestors,
The gift of giving wholehearted compassion,
The gift of receiving radical love,
The gift of refuge & remedy for every need & hurt,
The gift of wholeness for every hole in our isness & oughtness,
The gift of unity between you, me, us, them and the others,
For there is only Oneness,
Our life is whole and healing,
Our life is a gift from our ancestors,
For everything begins & ends through giving and forgiving.
Navigating through most of March was hard, it felt like I was swimming through the deep waters of the ocean floor without an oxygen tank - yet I was still breathing. The anxieties, and questions, the human mind finds hard to understand: How am I still breathing? Am I human? Why am I here?
I even felt a deep reluctance from writing and reflecting about the month because some of those deep moments were difficult to process and to translate into words. I have some of the notes in my journal but I do not think they want to be shared explicitly. Thus, I turn to the Tarot as my poetic language, the story-teller of my thinking. Specifically, the weekly anchor card I received throughout the month - SPOILER ALERT - I pulled 4 major arcana cards in a row for each week! Thank Universe for that Ten of Pentacles in Week 5.
Monthly Anchor: Queen of Swords
I want the Truth to come here, now, instantly. I need it, I crave it, I desire it. Where is it? Fuck waiting - fuck divine timing. Why can’t it be served now? What is wrong (with me) this time? Urgh, this is violence. I am tired but I do not want to sleep. Because time, time is limiting me? My boundaries with myself have not been working…
Week 1: Justice
For every action, there is an equal but opposite reaction. Everything is intertwined, allegedly. For a moment I was lost of what is just, what is unjust. All this while, on earth, we are being taught to fight for justice, fight for OUR justice. Have we seen it prevail perpetually? How could then I trust the Justice of the Universe - how could I trust, this time around without fighting for it, without needing to fight for it, without needing to cut through myself because of it. Both of my hands are occupied with tears of disappointing eyes.
Week 2: The Star
Sometimes hope is silent and discreet, hope is not among the stars, hope is not somewhere in the horizon, hope is not as obvious. The hope is in the now, and hope is silent. Begin again, we have never forgotten the lesson. Use rest as a reset, count the invisible stars on your mind-ceiling, count even if there are none, maybe they are too shiny for our minds.
Week 3: Temperance
If your angels or loved told you: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. How receptive are you towards those words and suggestions? Do you believe in them? How much have you internalize those words or are they merely decorations to your inspirations? Believing in alignment of things is an emotional process, you simultaneously burn and drown yourself in the alchemical merge of the mundane and the sacred. Integration is key, there are more hands at play, more help at bay. Rewiring your brain, reframing your bane.
Week 4: The World
Wholeness is my birthright. There are no endings or beginnings, only fictional stories which sounded like them. The world is a strange place to be in sometimes, although it is meant to be the manifestation of reality. If reality is this strange, how fantastical for non-reality could have been. I am living my reality with grace, as real as I could be, as embodied as I could be, as transparent and transpersonal as I could ever be.
Week 5: 10 of Pentacles
Support has always been there in our physical planes. Sometimes we are so caught up with finding the thing that would complete everything, when everything has always been here. I’ve been meditating on the sense of wholeness a lot more, every single time I feel whole, every single time I feel a lot more whole. Those are the multiple truths I am willing to hold near and dear. Finding the center of wholeness, so each step is led by it, each outcome is transmitted from it, each magick is complete since its inception. I trust that by tuning into having everything, opens up more portals towards having both everything and nothing - that is how vast gratitude practice is.
With Radical Rebirth, Still, I Rise
Shahir
20210411 @ 0002 @ Harlem, New York City
Instagram: @suprasensoryshahir
Twitter: @suprasensorys