I wrote this short essay as a homework assignment for the “Writing Astrology” workshop with Ace (@alicesparklykat). I hope you find it as exciting (or as illuminating!) as how I felt writing it at a nearby cafe, on a Wednesday afternoon last week. Cheers <3
I don't remember the first time I knew I was an Aries Sun,
I heard about it being represented by a ram, a fearless ram butting everything that's in the way - and I smiled sheepishly and thought:
Oh, ya sounds like me - the impatient side of "me," Is that also why my forehead is wide - allegedly?
I laughed at myself like the child I am, I was?
I never bothered to read horoscopes. After all, I never felt the need to define who I am - which is both very defining and confusing because I am perpetually defining who I am. No one should give a fuck who I am, while simultaneously everyone should also give a fuck of who I am, because Aries - I am the fuck right?
Besides the ram and all the fucks given *hehe* - and not given,
I remembered reading about it being a fire sign,
and my eyes lit up that moment - because I do love fire.
Growing up, I remembered the joy of helping my mother in the kitchen,
That joy came from the fact that something was burning - the wok or the pan, and something was made - a creation from the heat of the fire. Right now, I don't know if I feel the same joy from cooking on an electric stove because I don't witness the similar flames I grew up with - but that's just a side-quest story; I do love cooking.
Do you know those kids who brought lighters to school?
No, I am not one of those kids - though I respected them for their rebellion.
I was the kid who loved the idea of having a lighter - and sometimes, I would hang out with them just to witness the burning of their cigarettes. In a way, I was also rebelling because I was not a regular student - I was a prefect in primary school. I was supposed to be the one enforcing their "discipline" as the "designated authority." However, I very much valued personal agency and power even when I was young - and I always felt the discomfort of being a "prefect" because I was supposed to impose rules on another student? Hell, no.
I would tell them to only smoke in certain areas where the probability of getting caught is low. Oh wait, I did not instruct them; I only suggested - it's ultimately their choice to make, and some did get caught by other prefects or teachers. I never reported on anyone, compared to other prefects, but somehow I ended up becoming the head prefect of my primary school? Wild. After that, I vowed never to become a prefect in high school because I do not want similar pressure, though I did end up as a librarian there. I love the smell of books, and telling people to STFU in a library seems powerful - like it just made sense, though I also contributed to the chatter when I am not on duty. Wow, I REALLY did whatever the fuck I want.
Let's get back to the flames and my fascination with them. Growing up, our house would blackout from time to time during the night, and secretly - I LOVED IT! Because that would be the time where all the stored candles are proving themself worthy. I remembered feeling so disappointed one time when my mom told us that we are out of candles - she is a Capricorn, we rarely ran out of something!
Watching both my parents light the candle with a match or a lighter: a therapeutic act. Watching the transference of flame from one candle to another: a sublime act.
I would volunteer to place the candles around the house to give it light, and I would gladly blow them out when the electricity is back on. Compared to my siblings, I rarely complain about the heat from not having electricity: I recently realized this when I was working and sweating in my room over the summer and only discovered hours later that I should have turned on the air-cond. At my recent job, I was one of those who had a lighter - and I would gladly light up all the birthday candles celebrated at our office - we celebrated everyone's birthday. I also enjoyed volunteering to cut the cake into pieces for everyone there - I think this is a valuable skill for social events. Oh wow, now I realize I “volunteered” a lot as an Aries because I love being in action, the spark of fire. These days, I burn my candles, incenses, and weeds to remember my sacred fire. Out of all the elements, I think people are uncomfortable with “fire” the most - because they only love it when it’s within their control, especially when it warms them or burns things at an appropriate temperature but not when it is too hot or out of control. Perhaps I would expand on this theory another day; I have other ideas to work on.
Enough writing of my Aries Sun remembrance story, it is only a part of who I am. Let’s cut the story here and begin again another time!