Life Is A Stage: Performing Our Authenticity
Leo: Shine Season, Reclaiming Joy & Reinventing Story
Towards end-July, I was getting ready to move out of my renting space back to my family home. The Divine plan works in a mysterious way because if things were to be according to my ideal-Ego plan - this moving back home would have been a short stint as I’m supposed to be in New York by now - probably writing this update from an undecorated room in a tiny apartment or from a bougie cafe while sipping iced mocha, a possible sporadic routine for me because the student life while hustling a part-time gig, would demand an inexpensive lifestyle. My MPA study plans have been delayed until next January, and I am at peace with that idea amid the uncertainties of the world. I count my blessings for having such privilege in my life to have the support to continue my studies (scholarship + study loans) although personal finances have been volatile due to certain life circumstances. I’m also taking this opportunity to send my love and gratitude shoutout to Maha & Syed, my former housemates and forever baetch, who went through tonnes-of-stories with me since January. Thanks for all the bittersweet memories in B-12-6, I am forever blessed to have you both in my life! Below is a Sun talisman-making ritual I performed at the apartment, during one the last few days there, to bring in more solar energy and positive agency to my life. I enjoy studying astrological magick, and working with planets as celestial beings have been an empowering mode of connecting with Source.
In Leo season, I did a lot of engagement with my astrological study and its community, as the Sun was transiting through my 9th House of Higher Learning, Philosophy & Divinity! I participated in two different virtual summits over two consecutive weekends to listen to amazing astrologers and their insightful sharings on the stars, self-care and spiritual-care. Deon shared on Agender Astrology - particularly on the outmoded need to attribute planets with the gender binary, Ace (AliceSparklyKat) questioned western astrology as a language and the ownership of such language, Michael J. Morris delivered a spoken word sharing on the location of our bodies in the natal chart and our embodied experiences through the astrological houses (I teared up listening to them speak!), and Sabrina Monarch enlightened the participants with the role of lunar nodes, and the planets squaring them, in the birth chart. I also recently enrolled in the Evolutionary Astrology Intensive course on full scholarship with Sabrina, alhamdulillah for the blessings. I was divinely nudged to do so since I followed her works, Magic of The Sphere podcast and weekly newsletter, religiously during the lockdown phase. Her YouTube weekly astrology forecast is a beautiful companion for reflection, and my Pisces Mercury appreciates the imageries she incorporates in her work. It’s bizarre to think that my first official astrology class would be on Evolutionary Astrology as I mainly self-studied and worked with traditional (Hellenistic and Medieval) astrology over the past year. I am looking forward to incorporating the medicine from the lens of EA into my practice! Thank you Sabrina for the offer and opportunity to learn from you, and I’m looking forward to connect and form long-lasting friendships with the diverse cohort in our class.
Sabrina wrote below in her newsletter for the New Moon in Leo, which I feel compelled to engage with and which have been a personal theme for my Leo season:
Are there ways that shame and self-doubt have laid over your fire like a heavy blanket meant to extinguish that fire? How complicit are you with that? Have you given any space to fanning your own flames by intentionally cultivating confidence or empowerment? Inner emotional healing work around shame can still occur – but life can be more fun if we also adopt some empowering mindsets that allow us to have fun being who we are, and feel powerful about it.
There have been residual shame and self-doubt (self-imposed or otherwise) associated with being seen by certain people as someone who reads the Tarot, who believes in astrology, who embraces a different relationship with the Divine (Allah) compared to that of my blood-family or Muslim comrades. After all, the trauma experienced last year was heavily associated with being seen publicly for my activism, for being queer-like, and ultimately for just being unapologetically myself. There were also a few moments in the past few months, after coming out to my blood-family, where I completely demolished the idea of being witnessed or understood by certain loved ones in my life. I have made peace with the solitary nature of living with heart-led spirituality and knowing that my vibe will only attract my soul tribe.
However, in the process of making peace with these “realities,” I subconsciously closed-off a possible reality, however small that may be, of being embraced with love and held with respect for my passion and pursuits. What if I allow the possibility that people’s views would and could change over time? That those people, including our loved ones, have the capacity to learn, unlearn and relearn new truths about themselves through others, perhaps through our own reclamation of our joy? Even if it’s really hard to hold space for that reality - can we still fantasize about it in affirming ways? Truth to be told, it took so much of me, so much courage, so much patience, and so much inner-work to recalibrate my expectations when things do not go according to my “ideal” desires. However, recalibration does not mean we should lose our soulful desires, our audacious hopes, our radical visions, right? I shared a similar reflection below during the season when I pulled some cards for myself during my first week at my family home, and I was guided to share it with the collective because these were real feelings that I felt a lot of my friends have expressed in some aspects of their lives:
Strength: A Leo archetype speaking to the implicit courage exhibited through the lightness of being and tenderness amongst approaches.
The Wheel: A Jupiter archetype representing recentering our dreams and expanding our optimism.
Queen of Pentacles: A Capricorn archetype indicating the process of making space, of earthing, of rooting ourselves to the possible abundance and offerings we could nurture, we could embody, and we could share with the world - while closing our eyes in surrender to the greater power of Mama Earth.
Though I don’t exclusively read the Tarot through an astrological lens, the synchronicity here with the current transit is hard to dismiss as clearly we were in Leo season and Jupiter in Capricorn (Fall) has been regarded by astrologers as one of the reasons for the general pessimism of the world, including travel restrictions, we are in right now, with the aid of powerful Saturn and transformative Pluto transits.
Regardless of the astrological transit, Leo season has taught me to reinvent and retell the stories of my life from a different perspective, from a more adaptable one. One way I realized how we could discern our adaptability and our healing surrounding past situations is how we could tell similar stories to another person and have a more nuanced approach as to how we feel about it now, without invalidating the equally potent emotions we have had experienced in the past. Have you ever experienced this kind of discernment for yourself? Do you feel more at peace with those stories? Do you feel more hopeful to live your life in certain ways? I am really embracing this moment where I am slowly weaving in more hopefulness surrounding the present-framing of past-hurts while living my life more authentically. It does feel empowering to do so.
On another note, I officially marketed my Tarot offering post after sitting on it for the past few months. Like a wannabe Virgo, I was hella prepared for it when I found an auspicious timing and waited to post it when the Moon was crossing my midheaven point while Mercury was conjunct with the Sun in Leo. I received so much love from the post and I thank all my friends for always being supportive of my pursuit of becoming a tarot reader, to be of service to those who are willing to engage with my Tarot practice. I am really honored to share this gift with the world, and I hope it will bring greater opportunities for my best and highest good.
To conclude my journal update, here is a beautiful photo of a dragonfly visitation on the day of the New Moon in Leo bringing various Divine messages, part of which is related to a similar message I received during a topical sharing on longing and navigating as Starseeds by Dhiyanah with her patrons. This is my manifestation prayers until the Full Moon in Leo during Aquarius season.
I Am Earthed, In The World But Not Of It. I Call Upon New Realities Into This Timeline As I Live My Life More Authentically. My Shining Lights Are My Birthrights, Bringing More Joy, More Adaptability To My Heart & That Of Those Around Me.
With Radical Rebirth, Still, I Rise
Shahir
20200823 @ 0112
In the previous post, I wrote about the astrological timing of the portal when I found, experienced and believed in magick during Cancer season in 2019. I also delved into deeper sharing of the process of coming back to my heart’s worthiness and allowing myself to be a sensitive being while working with the Moon’s energy.